I hate housework.
That probably comes as a surprise, particularly if you’ve read An Old Fashioned Homestead, His Naughty Little Housewife and Mastered by the Highlanders, but it’s true. I’d rather sit on my computer or visit with my friends than do housework, I find it dull as ditchwater.
Unless I’m doing it for someone else.
It was a phenomenon I first noticed when I worked at McDonald’s, a few months before I finally figured out that BDSM was a thing and that it was ok to be submissive. My own room in a shared house was always a complete mess; I would regularly forget to put my laundry away, make my bed, etc, but when I was working, on someone else’s time, I would regularly go above and beyond to make sure everything was perfect.
When I moved in with someone for the first time, I noticed the same thing; I was a badass at keeping their house clean. I can’t do it for myself, I just don’t care enough because I can invariably find whatever I’ve lost if it’s all on the floor, but I really go to town for other people. I create entire rituals out of making the house perfect when I think it will make someone happy.
I think it’s precisely because I hate it that I find so much joy in doing it. It’s a way of showing someone how much I care about them. I care about them enough to do something I didn’t particularly want to do and to enjoy doing it because I didn’t want to do it, but I did it anyway to make someone else happy because I hate it so much and I’ve spared them from having to clean their house. I think there’s more to it than that, but I can’t quite make the connection to the next part.
I guess it’s something I don’t see BDSM internet people talking about very much, although I don’t know why that’s the case. Do people think service-oriented BDSM is far less obviously sexy than sex-related BDSM? I find that odd, though, because (at least, for me) it’s emotionally satisfying in a different way to sex. I think it’s because I enjoy sex so much that it doesn’t feel like a selfless act, I don’t feel like I’m doing it for someone else, even when it’s only about them, but housework is different.
I love sex, and I very much want to have children soon, but if sex got banned tomorrow, I could quite happily live my live in a convent, because there would be plenty of chores and no major decisions to make, no huge responsibilities, every day would have structure and I could just focus on helping people. In fact, when I finally left home at 18, and I didn’t know where to go or what to do, I nearly joined a convent. I signed up for regular email updates from several different ones and I corresponded with a few nuns I knew, with the intent of joining after I finished my degree (so I could teach). I didn’t count on meeting my future husband in my final year of my degree. I still became a teacher, but I felt like I wasn’t making a difference, so I quit and was a housewife for a while, and suddenly I felt like my life had meaning and purpose.
I know, I know, I’m all back to front.
Okay, so it’s a bit convoluted. But so is spanking, if we get down to it. It’s all as complicated as any of us can make it, if we choose to overthink it, but at the end of the day, it’s as simple as this: it makes me happy to make someone else happy.