Katie answers some spam comments (and book announcement)

I get literally dozens of these comments every day; I’m not sure why, but one blog post in particular seems to get most of the comments. Bizarre. I can tell if they’re spam because the link doesn’t match the email address and the name is usually not filled out with a name; it’s been given a spammy headline instead, like “Get Cheap Bobble Hats Here” (sadly, they’re never, “Get Cheap Canes Here”). Then there is the content of these comments. They’re irrelevant, they’re often senseless, and almost always written in broken English. So here is a miniature hall of shame for some of the silliest ones (and at the bottom, there’s a HUGE announcement about my next book). To view each comment more clearly, zoom in with the buttons “ctrl +” and zoom out by pressing “ctrl -” or zoom out by clicking the magnifying glass in the top right of the screen when you’re zoomed in.

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dear ade replies to spam wendys burn

Dear Ade (may I call you Ade? I mean it’s usually short for Adrian but in your case it seemed appropriate),
Thank you for making me aware that you have compiled a listing of the highest rated and hottest trainers. Do you mean the footwear (i.e. sneakers) or a list of people like the lady at the gym, who yells at me to do more stomach crunches? Would love to hear more,
Katie xxxx

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dear seaside spammy comment burn

Dear S.R.,
I’d like to make you aware that in the last 30 days you have posted at least 17 times. Unfortunately, the comments you have written are both nonsensical and off-topic; additionally I suspect that your contact emails are a fake. Does anyone have 17 different email addresses? I think not. So far, your emails have claimed to be from Wilhelmina, Jeremy, Lester, Jeannine, Greta, Fae, Celeste, Lara, Marisa, Oliver, Hollie, Alberto, Shavonne, Octavia, Brittny and Madeleine. Some of you either have dreadfully unfortunate parentage, or you appear incapable of spelling your own names. I would make you all stand in the corner, but I’d need a room the shape of a dodecahedron to fit you all in.
Please do watch out for brussels.
Katie xxxx
P.S. Here are some examples of your comments:

dear seaside spammy comment burn 2

_________________________________________________________

Dear Message,
Thank-you so much for your comment. I’m assuming you’re human, although robot is a possibility. Your name and website URL imply that you want to write Valentine’s messages for people. I think your time would be better spent learning to write sentences that make sense, and which are relevant to the post on which you are commenting. Furthermore, this is 10 days late for Valentine’s day. I am curious as to who Nicholas S. is, who “she” is (is “she” Nicholas S?), and where on my entire website you found a guide to anything at all.
Katie xxxx

dear supervisor comment burn replying to stupid comments

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Dear Yeezys,
Thank you for bringing this to my attention. Shopping bodily sounds ghastly, like some sort of strange world where unclothed torsos are wandering around with nowhere to put their credit card. I think I’d much rather go to a mall.
Katie xxxx

dear yeezys answering silly comments burn

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Dear Curry,
Thank you for your comment. Please do not put curry in your footwear. The stains will never come out.
Katie xxxx

dear curry stupid spammy comments burn

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Dear August,
I’m so glad your workfellow purchased you dinner as a result of my article. Please do let me know how his analysis went. I’d love to see a Chi-squared of spanking literature.
Katie xxxx

dear august spam sick burn troll comments

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And then there’s the ones that don’t make any sense no matter which way you stare at them:

dear three stooges spammy reply comments trolling burn

Dear The Three Stooges,
I would like to make you aware that this is a spanking blog. You want a gobbledegook blog. Here’s one: http://blog-o-nonsense.blogspot.co.uk/
Knock yourself out. Literally.
Katie xxxx

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dear forieng language spam trolls get burned

Dear Fietskadertop,
If you understood enough of my blog post to feel moved to comment, you are capable of doing so in English.
Katie xxxx

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In other news, Her Vampire Mistresses, a girl-on-girl-on-girl three way erotic spanking romance, is out next Friday! It’s time to put your Kindle in the deep freeze for a week because this one is smoking hot! It’s set against a backdrop of stunning European scenery such as the city of Prague, a ruined castle in the south of France and a mountain chateau in Switzerland. I’m sure you’re going to adore it.

Lots of love,
Katie xxxx

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Katie Reads… His Naughty Little Housewife

What a week this hasn’t been!

If everything had gone according to plan I’d be revealing some exciting news about my latest book today (see also: last week), but sadly that is not the case due to an unfortunate turn of events. Sorry.

But I’ve got four other books you can read instead. Or you could hear me read them to you! That’s right, I’ve got you another Katie Reads video, where I read an excerpt from one of my books. It’s over on YouTube right here:

His Naughty Little Housewife | Katie Reads

It seems like there should have been another week before I published this video; isn’t February such a strange month, being so fleeting? Perhaps in a few centuries, it will have grown up to be the same size as all the other months.
Also, I have only just this minute realized that Valentine’s Day is the half-way point of February… I wonder whether that was intentional. Who even decides when all the special days fall? I want to write to them. They need to put more holidays between August and December, and also between January and Easter. Which reminds me, this coming Tuesday is TOTALLY pancake day! After my dentist fixed my tooth this afternoon, I went straight to the supermarket and got my maple syrup all ready for pancakes (ironic, I know, but it was on sale at 1/5 of the usual high price, which never usually happens)! I always miss Shrove Tuesday and end up getting pancakes on the Wednesday (or sometimes, Thursday, Friday or Saturday…), but I’m resolved that’s not going to happen this year.

Love,
Katie xxxx

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I hate housework!

I hate housework.

That probably comes as a surprise, particularly if you’ve read An Old Fashioned Homestead, His Naughty Little Housewife and Mastered by the Highlanders, but it’s true. I’d rather sit on my computer or visit with my friends than do housework, I find it dull as ditchwater.

Unless I’m doing it for someone else.

It was a phenomenon I first noticed when I worked at McDonald’s, a few months before I finally figured out that BDSM was a thing and that it was ok to be submissive. My own room in a shared house was always a complete mess; I would regularly forget to put my laundry away, make my bed, etc, but when I was working, on someone else’s time, I would regularly go above and beyond to make sure everything was perfect.

When I moved in with someone for the first time, I noticed the same thing; I was a badass at keeping their house clean. I can’t do it for myself, I just don’t care enough because I can invariably find whatever I’ve lost if it’s all on the floor, but I really go to town for other people. I create entire rituals out of making the house perfect when I think it will make someone happy.

I think it’s precisely because I hate it that I find so much joy in doing it. It’s a way of showing someone how much I care about them. I care about them enough to do something I didn’t particularly want to do and to enjoy doing it because I didn’t want to do it, but I did it anyway to make someone else happy because I hate it so much and I’ve spared them from having to clean their house. I think there’s more to it than that, but I can’t quite make the connection to the next part.

I guess it’s something I don’t see BDSM internet people talking about very much, although I don’t know why that’s the case. Do people think service-oriented BDSM is far less obviously sexy than sex-related BDSM? I find that odd, though, because (at least, for me) it’s emotionally satisfying in a different way to sex. I think it’s because I enjoy sex so much that it doesn’t feel like a selfless act, I don’t feel like I’m doing it for someone else, even when it’s only about them, but housework is different.

I love sex, and I very much want to have children soon, but if sex got banned tomorrow, I could quite happily live my live in a convent, because there would be plenty of chores and no major decisions to make, no huge responsibilities, every day would have structure and I could just focus on helping people. In fact, when I finally left home at 18, and I didn’t know where to go or what to do, I nearly joined a convent. I signed up for regular email updates from several different ones and I corresponded with a few nuns I knew, with the intent of joining after I finished my degree (so I could teach). I didn’t count on meeting my future husband in my final year of my degree. I still became a teacher, but I felt like I wasn’t making a difference, so I quit and was a housewife for a while, and suddenly I felt like my life had meaning and purpose.

I know, I know, I’m all back to front.

Okay, so it’s a bit convoluted. But so is spanking, if we get down to it. It’s all as complicated as any of us can make it, if we choose to overthink it, but at the end of the day, it’s as simple as this: it makes me happy to make someone else happy.

Love,
Katie xxxx

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Adult Baby Review: ThinkBaby Stainless Steel Bottle

The ThinkBaby stainless steel bottle is aimed at chronological children, but it’s also perfect for adult babies and ageplay. I’ve had one for about 3 months now, so here’s my review of the ThinkBaby stainless steel bottle.

ThinkBaby stainless steel bottle adult baby abdl latex free
ThinkBaby stainless steel bottle

Teat: It’s not really a sippy cup (it was listed as a sippy cup before, but since I got mine they’ve actually renamed it as a bottle). As you can see from the photos of the mouthpiece, it’s got a squishy soft teat (like baby bottles) but it’s wider and flatter than a normal bottle teat, which means it’s aimed at people with teeth (it’s comparable to an adult pacifier). The teat is latex-free so anyone with a latex allergy can use it! It’s also BPA free, but I don’t really understand what that means. When you fill it with liquid, it behaves like a baby bottle too, and it doesn’t spill when you lie it on its side or turn it upside down. I use it when I want to lie down and drink something in bed because you can stop drinking to breathe without spilling anything.

ThinkBaby stainless steel bottle adult baby abdl latex free ThinkBaby stainless steel bottle adult baby abdl latex free

Hot drinks: The main cup area is made of stainless steel. This basically means you can put warm drinks in it. HOWEVER, because it’s metal, the cup area will expand if you put a boiling hot drink in it, and the plastic of the screw top won’t expand, so be sure to allow really hot drinks to cool down enough before you put the screw top back on the bottle or it will spill (a lot) when you try to drink from it (this has happened to me a couple of times as I keep forgetting and making hot tea in it).

Capacity: It takes 290ml (10 fl oz) of liquid, which is the perfect size for an adult drink. I really like the fact that there are measurements engraved down the side of the bottle. If it was any bigger, I’d struggle to hold it up while I was drinking from it, so I think it’s the exact right size.

ThinkBaby stainless steel bottle adult baby abdl latex free
The measurements are engraved into the cup so you can choose how much to fill it.

Handles: The handles are kinda small (although I do have freakishly large, oddly manly hands, so it may work for most women) so men and any women with strangely big hands like mine will have a little trouble using the handles. They are removable however.

ThinkBaby stainless steel bottle adult baby abdl latex free

Price: It’s a lot more expensive than any of the other sippy cups I’ve seen, but since it’s metal there’s no chance I can accidentally melt it by putting something in it that’s the wrong temperature! As an adult baby bottle, though, it’s comparable with the other ones I’ve seen and it’s got the bonus of being latex free and not having a weirdly long teat.

Verdict: I love my sippy cup/bottle so much; I had a cheap plastic one from a local shop before I ordered the ThinkBaby stainless steel one from Amazon.com, and I love the ThinkBaby one SO MUCH more. It’s not available to buy outside the US as far as I know, but they do international shipping which is perfect for those of us who aren’t in America! Find it here on amazon.com
Have you got a recommendation for a bottle? Let me know in the comments!

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Are you as excited about the new Beauty and The Beast movie as I am?

I actually started to mist up a little when the trailer started! If you haven’t already seen the trailer, you can find it here:

I heard some rumors about it being remade frame-by-frame but I can see lots of things they’ve put into the new film that weren’t in the original (Beauty and the Beast is my favorite Disney movie of all time), so I think they’ve maybe only used some of the original film to make the new one?

Ok, so this is neither BDSM nor ageplay, but it’s sort of both (plus, in the animated version, I’m pretty sure someone got spanked by a piece of furniture when the villagers stormed the castle, so… y’know. This post is legit).

Anyway, that’s all I have this week because I’ve got four big deadlines for my MSc over the next few days, and a couple of conferences I need to send outlines to this week, and I have a lot of work to do to finish them all. I’m going to leave you all with a question (answer in the comments if you dare); if you had to choose between leaving your home and everything you had, and everyone you knew and cared about, or never being able to think/read about (or participate in, if that’s something you do) spanking again, which would you pick?

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Katie Reads Mastered by the Highlanders!

My second video has just gone live on Katie Reads, the Youtube channel where I read excerpts from my books!

In this video, I read an excerpt from Mastered by the Highlanders, a bestselling menage set in early 18th century Scotland.  You can find my latest video here:

https://youtu.be/FkZQaIWeh00

You will need a gmail/google/Youtube login to view it, as I’ve age restricted it.
Enjoy, and let me know what you think of it (if you dare)!

I’m also super-excited that my latest book, Her Daddy and Her Master, has had such lovely reviews, and I wanted to say a big thank-you to everyone who has taken the time to write a review of my book!

And lastly, my latest webcomic page can be found here! Thank-you to everyone who’s voted this month on Top Web Comics; I can’t believe Corner Time Now is in the top 1000 webcomics and the top 200 in two categories in barely a month since I began drawing it!

Lots of love,
Katie xxxx

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10 Real Life Facts About Her Daddy and Her Master

Here are the facts behind my latest novel Her Daddy and Her Master. I thought I’d do another one of these because the one about Mastered by the Highlanders went down so well.

  1. The bathrooms in Her Daddy and Her Master were inspired by Japanese bathrooms. The Japanese have definitely cornered the market on awesome bathroom design, while in the North of England, where I’m currently at grad school, my house (like, where I live right now) still has an outdoor toilet! It gets full of spiders and I hate cleaning it so very much. The big advantage of the outhouse is when Fed-Ex or Parcel Force have a delivery to make, they can leave it in there if I’m not home. I kinda fell in love with this house when I saw it because it looks a bit like Shrek’s swamp home, which I find endearing. I hope when I come to sell the place, the new owners think that’s a good thing too!
  2. Pombos is based on the industrial north of England during the 20th century. A lot of people think this sort of landscape vanished when 1900 came around, but in the North, the world still looked like this when I was a child, the only difference was there were laws about how much smoke a factory could put out. My stepdad, his parents and his sister all worked in a factory like this when I was growing up. Pombos was particularly inspired by some of LS Lowry’s pictures:
    Coming From The Mill by LS Lowry. Source: Wikimedia Commons (CC BY).
    Coming Home From The Mill by LS Lowry, 1928. Source: Wikimedia Commons (CC BY).

    Returning From Work, LS Lowry, 1929. Source: Wikimedia Commons (CC BY).
    Returning From Work, LS Lowry, 1929. Source: Wikimedia Commons (CC BY).
  3. The Great Gig is inspired by a song on the album The Dark Side of The Moon by Pink Floyd. The full title of the song is The Great Gig in The Sky but in my story, it’s a spaceship, and it sort of goes without saying that it’s in the sky, so I shortened it. A gig is also a type of vehicle, so the whole thing sort of fitted.
  4. The adult baby store was an imagining of what all the online stores for ABDL and ageplay stuff (for example, my favorite ageplay store, Little for Big, or the currently-closed furniture store, Adult Baby Apparels) would look like, if any of them had a physical store. Since the story was set in the future, I tried to think about how things like cribs and sippy cups might have changed in the future, as well as how things might have been inspired by other cultures on different planets.
  5. The Innovation Suites were, of course, inspired by the Holodecks from Star Trek: The Next Generation.
  6. Flin was partly inspired by a very good friend who sadly died unexpectedly back in September. I miss them every day, and I hope they approve.
  7. The belt that Flin fastens around Laila to hold the vibrators inside her during one of her punishments was based on female chastity belts that are available. The way Flin used it on Laila, however, was anything but chaste. There don’t seem be many for sale online at the moment and this one from Lovehoney was the closest I could find. I like to imagine that 300 years into the future, such things will be comfortable and readily available, and that there will be lots of versions to buy.
  8. The balls that Flin puts inside Laila are called Ben Wa balls and you can buy them in most online adult stores. This is an example from Lovehoney.
  9. The way the ship stops is based on my experience as a crew member on yachts and narrowboats. I remember the first time I was moving an engine powered boat, when I was fifteen (how I ended up on a boat that day is a whole different story); I pulled away from the jetty, then I panicked a little, as we headed too fast toward the boats on the other side of the marina. Scared of crashing and sinking, I asked, “Where’s the brakes?” Just in time, the man who owned the boat stepped in and showed me what to do. That was when I learned that boats don’t actually have brakes, you have to put them into reverse to make them stop. It was probably really obvious to the rest of the world, but never mind. I decided that spaceships would probably have to do the same, since they wouldn’t be able to drift to a halt in space.
  10. The tea party (if you haven’t read that far yet, I won’t spoil it for you) was based on The Mad Hatter’s Tea Party in Alice in Wonderland.

    The mad hatter's tea party from Disney's version of Lewis Carroll's Alice In Wonderland. Source: Disney wikia.
    The mad hatter’s tea party from Disney’s version of Lewis Carroll’s Alice In Wonderland. Source: Disney Wikia.

Her Daddy and Her Master is out now (click here to read a steamy excerpt), published by Stormy Night Publications, and is available at Amazon, Barnes and Noble, iTunes and more!

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A steamy excerpt from Her Daddy and Her Master

Wondering what sort of scorching scenes to expect in Her Daddy and Her Master, my latest book? Here’s an excerpt from about halfway through, when Laila is being punished for not wearing her butt plug every day. It’s not technically an entry for SatSpanks because it’s too long, but this is Saturday, and someone is getting spanked, so you can make up your own mind whether it counts or not:

“Go to the staircase and stand in front of it,” Flin said. Laila turned and walked toward it, feeling Flin’s eyes on her naked bottom. She stopped before the first step, and waited for further instructions.

“Bend over, hold onto the railings,” he ordered. Looking over her shoulder, she saw that he still held the rope. She hated the idea of being restrained.

“Please don’t tie me up.”

“What color are you feeling?” came the response.

“Orange,” she said.

“Then bend over, hold onto the railings,” he reiterated. With a sigh, Laila complied. As she felt him tie her hands to the handrails, she closed her eyes and tried to center herself. This was happening, she told herself, whether she wanted it to happen exactly like this or not. Laila tested whether she could pull free while he wasn’t looking, but even though the rope didn’t feel too tight, he had managed to hold her fast.

A few seconds later, she heard a swooshing sound, then a stick was thrust in front of her.

“Know what this is?” he asked.

“No, master.” She had a fairly good idea that it was going to be used on her bottom, but hoped he would prove her wrong and that it would turn out to be a special hi-tech chocolate summoning stick or something.

“It’s a switch cut from a Telian Whip Tree. On my home planet, a Whip Tree is specially grown near all dwellings, and the sticks are cut from it for one reason; to chastise naughty bottoms.”

There it was, Laila thought. She knew it had been something like that. The chances of it being a stick for summoning chocolate had been too remote.

“Usually, the punishment duration is dictated by the longevity of the stick. When the stick breaks, that’s often the end of the punishment, but it is not unheard of for particularly unrepentant individuals to get up to seven sticks, although seven is the limit due to Telian laws regarding punishments,” Flin said. Laila looked at the stick with a growing sense of horror. “Out here, in space, of course, there’s no such laws. In your case, however, I won’t be breaking any sticks. After all, where would I get another one, this distance off-world? Count fifteen please.”

Laila was surprised by the rapid shift from the geography lesson to her chastisement, and the first stroke caught her unawares.

“Yeeeoooooowwwww!” she shouted, as she strained against the ropes holding her in place. The stick sliced across her bottom and burned.

“That’s not a number, Laila. Back to zero. Count fifteen, please,” Flin seemed totally insensitive to Laila’s pain as a second stroke scored agonizingly into her flesh.

“Owwwwww! O…one!”

He leaned in and pulled her hair as he said, “Don’t forget to address me as master or I’ll add extras.” The following strike was just as bad, bringing tears to her eyes already.

“Two…ooo…oooh, ma…aa…aaster!”

At the next stroke, she was astounded that her pussy twitched, despite the searing pain slicing across her bottom.

“Threeee owwwww m…m…master!” She tried to imagine something nice, to distract herself from the pain, but the only thing that came to mind right then was the feeling of standing too close to a bonfire.

“Fooourrr… maa…aaster!” She began crying, and as Flin continued to strike her unprotected bottom with the switch, her sobs turned to howls as the tears continued to fall.

As they got into the higher numbers, Flin varied his speed, and Laila never knew when to expect the next one, with some happening in short succession and others being minutes apart. They reached fifteen, and Laila went limp in her bindings, still sobbing, hoping Flin would untie her now. Her pussy was soaked and she was barely able to believe that she craved his attentions, despite the pain of her punishment. She gasped as she felt something pressing at the entrance to her back passage.

“What’s that, master?”

“Your butt plug. You’re very wet, my dear.” Flin continued working it into her. She hated the part where it went in. It was the hardest. Until it came back out again, anyway.

 

What happens next? Find out in Her Daddy and Her Master!
her daddy and her master katie douglas

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Why’s this blog looking different to the rest of the site?

You may be wondering why the blog page looks so different to the rest of the site.

So when I launched my new site two weeks ago, I was super excited to finally have total control over everything on here (mwahahaaa!), then I realized that all the ways to enable people to post comments, stay updated with my website, and otherwise interact with everything going on in the land of Corner Time Now were all over-complicated to implement (can you even imagine using Facebook comments on a spanking site? That didn’t seem like the right thing to do). Also, they would require a bucketload more time to maintain properly than I am able to put into it, because I have another job and I’m doing my MSc in Obscure Science. There are so many amazing internet personalities out there who have tried to do something over-complicated and failed to keep on top of the maintenance (and we all know what happens when the maintenance spankings stop).

In computing, there’s a very important saying: why reinvent the wheel?* WordPress is like the wheel, if the word ‘wheel’ meant, ‘ways to stay updated and connect with people.’

*I know programmers don’t have dibs on this, but it’s super-relevant to computing in a lot of ways.

So I figured if I connected a WordPress area to part of my site, just for blogging, then all my lovely readers could comment (if you’re feeling brave; if you don’t want to use your real email, make one up), subscribe, share, and get RSS updates to your heart’s content, and I can get on with giving you reasons to be here: content!

The webcomic and blog both update on Saturdays, the webcomic is not on WordPress, and nor is the rest of my site because WordPress has a few limitations, and anyway, some people like reading comics, some people like reading blogs, some people like both. I wanted everyone to have the option. That’s why the blog looks different to the rest of the site, and the URL is slightly different too. When I know more about how WordPress works beneath the surface, I’ll see if I can write the code for a custom theme so everything looks the same!

And the blog archives page is still here, if you prefer to bookmark a page and keep checking back to it.

Lots of love,
Katie xxxx

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