I get literally dozens of these comments every day; I’m not sure why, but one blog post in particular seems to get most of the comments. Bizarre. I can tell if they’re spam because the link doesn’t match the email address and the name is usually not filled out with a name; it’s been given a spammy headline instead, like “Get Cheap Bobble Hats Here” (sadly, they’re never, “Get Cheap Canes Here”). Then there is the content of these comments. They’re irrelevant, they’re often senseless, and almost always written in broken English. So here is a miniature hall of shame for some of the silliest ones (and at the bottom, there’s a HUGE announcement about my next book). To view each comment more clearly, zoom in with the buttons “ctrl +” and zoom out by pressing “ctrl -” or zoom out by clicking the magnifying glass in the top right of the screen when you’re zoomed in.
Dear Ade (may I call you Ade? I mean it’s usually short for Adrian but in your case it seemed appropriate),
Thank you for making me aware that you have compiled a listing of the highest rated and hottest trainers. Do you mean the footwear (i.e. sneakers) or a list of people like the lady at the gym, who yells at me to do more stomach crunches? Would love to hear more,
I’d like to make you aware that in the last 30 days you have posted at least 17 times. Unfortunately, the comments you have written are both nonsensical and off-topic; additionally I suspect that your contact emails are a fake. Does anyone have 17 different email addresses? I think not. So far, your emails have claimed to be from Wilhelmina, Jeremy, Lester, Jeannine, Greta, Fae, Celeste, Lara, Marisa, Oliver, Hollie, Alberto, Shavonne, Octavia, Brittny and Madeleine. Some of you either have dreadfully unfortunate parentage, or you appear incapable of spelling your own names. I would make you all stand in the corner, but I’d need a room the shape of a dodecahedron to fit you all in.
Please do watch out for brussels.
P.S. Here are some examples of your comments:
Thank-you so much for your comment. I’m assuming you’re human, although robot is a possibility. Your name and website URL imply that you want to write Valentine’s messages for people. I think your time would be better spent learning to write sentences that make sense, and which are relevant to the post on which you are commenting. Furthermore, this is 10 days late for Valentine’s day. I am curious as to who Nicholas S. is, who “she” is (is “she” Nicholas S?), and where on my entire website you found a guide to anything at all.
Thank you for bringing this to my attention. Shopping bodily sounds ghastly, like some sort of strange world where unclothed torsos are wandering around with nowhere to put their credit card. I think I’d much rather go to a mall.
Thank you for your comment. Please do not put curry in your footwear. The stains will never come out.
I’m so glad your workfellow purchased you dinner as a result of my article. Please do let me know how his analysis went. I’d love to see a Chi-squared of spanking literature.
And then there’s the ones that don’t make any sense no matter which way you stare at them:
Dear The Three Stooges,
I would like to make you aware that this is a spanking blog. You want a gobbledegook blog. Here’s one: http://blog-o-nonsense.blogspot.co.uk/
Knock yourself out. Literally.
If you understood enough of my blog post to feel moved to comment, you are capable of doing so in English.
In other news, Her Vampire Mistresses, a girl-on-girl-on-girl three way erotic spanking romance, is out next Friday! It’s time to put your Kindle in the deep freeze for a week because this one is smoking hot! It’s set against a backdrop of stunning European scenery such as the city of Prague, a ruined castle in the south of France and a mountain chateau in Switzerland. I’m sure you’re going to adore it.
Lots of love,